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Showing posts from June, 2016

Manitoba Harvest Chocolate Hemp Heart Bites

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These squares kinda have the texture of the center a malted milk ball (which I guess is why they're "crunchy") and  the same tendency to stick to my teeth. I'm not sure it tastes much like chocolate, but it's alright in a weird way. I can't identify all the flavors, but I've never tasted hemp either, so maybe that's what's floating around in there.

It surprised me that, for its lack of significantly satisfying flavor, a serving (10 pieces) provides 23 percent of your recommended daily fat intake. I suppose that makes it a good thing that it's not very appetizing.

Deja Poop Score: 4/10. Not as brown as they appear on the package. Reminiscent of dried dog turds cut into cubes.

Product info:
http://manitobaharvest.com/product/263/Hemp-Heart-Bites-Chocolate-4-oz.html

Jennies Double Chocolate Sea Salt Macaroons

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It's hard to figure out why "Jennies" doesn't have an apostrophe. It's consistently without one on their website, but their About page is blank. Is Jennies a nickname for Jens? Is the Macaroon King of German descent? Is it a simple mistake carried all the way through packaging and website design, and if so, who is Jennie and why is she a king?

Grammatical curiosities aside, this snack takes the add-salt-to-chocolate trend and applies it to what must've already been an existing line of macaroons, since the company offers several varieties. Maybe it's too rich and decadent without the salt.

Unlike some chocolate-and-sea-salt snacks, the salt is substantial and therefore a bit of a surprise. It's not bad, mind you. I'm just saying most snacks I've tried of that variety pay only lip service to the salt part. Jennies (whoever that is) manages to do it without overdoing it.

These are excellent. It was difficult to control myself so I wouldn't:

Vermont Smoke and Cure meat sticks

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These come in several flavors and meat varieties, so I'll break it down:
Honey mustard turkey Tastes like old turkey asshole so much that I can't tell if there's any honey or mustard involved. I tried two of these and they both sucked, so it's probably not an issue of batch. They weren't expired either. It's just naturally gross.

Chipotle beef & pork  If you eat chili dogs for the high quality chili they scoop out of the can, this is your jam. I enjoyed it, but I also like dirty chili dogs. Thumbs up on the spicy aftertaste, which elevates this slightly above cheap chili dog flavor.

Cracked pepper beef & pork Beefy, porky, delicious. Yes yes yes. Would eat again, all day long.

Ancho pepper turkey Not bad. Tastes like a meat stick. Would eat again. The problem with turkey may be limited to the honey mustard flavor.

BBQ beef The only stick that's just beef, and it is clearly superior to all the others. Beefy. Mild BBQ flavor, on the sweet side. No sp…

Natural Sins Crispy Pineapple (and Mango) Chips

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Have you ever wanted to eat pineapple without peeling it? Me neither. Dehydrating it first does help, but that doesn't make it good. The edge bits either hurt or get stuck in your teeth. If you eat snacks to make you feel better, this one will fail you.

The mango version though is excellent. Lots of flavor, crispy noms. I would eat that alright because it's hard in the U.S. to find good, ripe mangos that actually taste like they're supposed to.

Deja poop score: 0 out of 10.

Product info:
http://www.naturalsinsonline.com/products/crispy-pineapple-chips/
http://www.naturalsinsonline.com/products/crispy-mango-chips/

Epic Bar Salmon Sea Salt & Pepper

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It's a good thing I love salt, because this thing is mega salty. Salmon flavor is mild, not offensively pungent. That was definitely a concern before I opened the package: Would my coworkers think I had unfurled a dirty vagina in my cubicle? Thankfully, no.

It's a bit of a hard chew, not soft as I expected. The flavors come together very well, so long as you like salty. Very satisfying. The kind of thing you can eat slowly and enjoy. You pretty much have to. It's so salty.

Deja poop score: 6 out of 10. It's not a smooth Play Doh Factory extrusion, so the texture brings this score higher in spite of the color mismatch.

Product info:
http://store.epicbar.com/products/salmon-sea-salt-pepper-bar