Manhattan Chocolates Chocolate Leather


Why do companies keep trying to improve on chocolate? Chocolate is delicious. It doesn't need improving. Chocolate leather, on the other hand, is a sticky, miserable mess that's more like a taffy or Airheads candy and doesn't really resemble fruit leather at all.

I can't find any website or other source of information on this weird product except for a handful of sites that tout it as a "new option for Kosher chocolate lovers." I can only assume that "chocolate lover" is Hebrew for "shit eater."

It sticks to its own wrapper, so it's hard to unwrap. It's like the turd itself is warning you: Do Not Eat. Place Directly In Toilet.

My wife likens the mouth feel to eating chips while chewing gum. Bits get stuck in the gum and it becomes a grainy, unpleasant wad. She held up a leather strap by the end and it drooped "like a limp dick."

Deja Poop Score: Am I allowed to give it an 11? Sorry, no. It's 2016 and I haven't heard a good Spinal Tap "one louder" reference since community college, when my chemistry professor used that clip to illustrate to the class—which had its collective eyebrow raised as if to say, "That was funny, but what the hell did we watch it for?"—that you can't change your standards of measurement to make the results turn out in your favor.

Ah, this memory has me a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic: Chocolate leather is neither chocolate or leather. Discuss.

There. I made my dated comedy reference. I'm feeling better.

I must shtick to my standards. DJP for this flattened turd is a perfect 10/10. If you took a dark, nutty shit on your kitchen counter and pressed it with a rolling pin, you'd have it.

I can't find a proper product page, so if you really must get your hands on chocolate leather, read some of the old PR (in which a company rep compares it to Tootsie Rolls, a candy so synonymous with shit that cake recipes using them are meant to be served in a litter box) or contact Kayco directly.

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