Chill Gummies Sour Faces Extreme Strength


These gummies aren't a typical Dirty Hippie Snack because they make no claims about being healthy or any such thing. It's just a stoner snack. It contains red 40, corn syrup, and pretty much everything else typical Dirty Hippies hate. My wife's store won't carry marijuana-related edibles to begin with (these are indeed legal), but even if they did, the total lack of health-anything in it means you'll never see it in her store.

But not all stoners are hippies, and stoners will consume anything that even looks like a pot leaf.  I looked up CBD (which this thing is "100% infused" with, though it's not clear what the 100% refers to). That's cannabidiol, which Wikipedia says no psychoactive effects.

Seeing that, I figured when the package said it "may cause drowsiness" and "do not exceed 1-2 per hour," (apparently they don't know what "do not exceed" means) it was just hype and bullshit meant to sell expensive candy to potheads who also obsess over how good a rope you can make from hemp.

How often are you really buying rope, stoner man? Do you have a problem finding it at your hardware store? Are you a sailor-stoner who's gotta have hemp rope to tie his boat to shore, because no other rope will do?

Lies. Stoners don't do shit. Stoners don't have boats. They just chill with their Chill Gummies and think about how awesome it is that, like, how do boats even float, man?

It's called displacement, stoner hippie man. The weight of the water that the boat displaces is equal to the buoyant force. That's how they float. Just ask Archimedes.

Anyway. I ignored the warning and ate 3. They taste almost exactly like Sour Patch Kids, which is one of my favorite gummy snacks. A+.

In less than 15 minutes, I noticed a familiar fuzzy feeling after finding myself intently focused on cutting biscuits. Then I got a little bit of the giggles. Ah, yes, I remember community college.

My wife laughed at me a lot. At one point she said, "Are you talking about thinking about thinking?" I was. She told me I was ridiculous. I told her it was all her idea, that it was her fault I was stoned. Which it was. And I was.

Within 1.5 hours it had almost completely worn off. No hangover, no ill effects, no need to hang out with a guy who thinks his Dark Side is the deepest album ever written, no burned throat or intense desire for a jug of Arizona tea to moisten my mouth.

I haven't been stoned in a long, long time. It was actually kind of fun.

Deja Poop Score: 0/10. I really hope you don't shit primary-color gummies.

I usually link to the product here, but I'm sure if you can find it on your own.

Comments

  1. Well mr anti drugs anti stoner fuck everyone who doesn't have my opinion them justs chill gummies are actually a Synthetic designer drug :) The company have stated that there is cbd so they are doing no harm but various people have recorded freaking out or having short lasting intense highs not attributed to cbd or to THC... But ah well least you had fun fella.

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  2. Fuck this retard. Instead of making fun of cannabis users go get a education.

    ReplyDelete

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