Oh Snap! Hottie Pickle
This is a single-serving pickle for you to snack on. They recommend serving chilled. If you've ever eaten room-temperature pickles before, you already know why. Lukewarm pickles are weird. It's also weird to suggest "serving" a pickle in a bag. You don't serve this. You eat it. Alone. Just you and the salt. Together at last.
When I was a kid, I loved tomatoes because I could pour lots of salt (or soy sauce, which is basically a brown salt-delivery liquid) on them. I don't remember having pickles in rural Brazil at the time. When I discovered pickles, I was all about 'em.
It's a vegetable with the salt already in it. Perfection. You can send those sweet pickle abominations straight to hell.
This pickle meets my savory standards, and delivers on the hot-and-spicy promise. It hits the right balance of not being too spicy but still giving plenty of that tingle on your lips. This is way the hell better than those miserable Mt. Olive/Texas Pete pickles, which are basically fire in your mouth.
As promised, it's also not messy. There's very little liquid in the bag, so I ate this at my desk at work with no disaster. I can't say the same about my coffee, which I managed to spill twice last week.
Deja Poop Score: 0/10. I'd rather not think about poops that resemble this. I'll leave the penis comparisons to you.
Suck this salty six-incher at http://ohsnappickles.com/#Flavored-Pickles