Dirty Hippie Snacks

This tastes nothing like coffee. But despite that failure in labeling, it is delicious. Nuts. Honey. Tasty. Highly recommended, though I don't know the price. Deja poop score: 8 out of 10. I'll be seeing you again soon, in a more cylindrical shape. Product info: http://shop.simplesquares.com/coffee/

I don't know what a "health warrior" would do with a hard almond rectangle except attempt to bludgeon her enemies with it. Ingredients include an "Ancient Grain Blend (chia, oats, organic quinoa)" which is as good at tripping the Marketing Bullshit Meter as it is at getting stuck in your teeth. Maybe your teeth are better than mine. The flavor is inoffensive, but contains no joy. Keep gnawing on that misery brick, hippie health warrior. Deja poop score: 4 plops out of 5. Product info: http://www.healthwarrior.com/products/honey-almond/ Same story as above, except this one actually tastes alright. Dark chocolate and coconut makes a good combo. Would eat again. Deja poop score: 8 plops out of 10 (still looks like a turd). Product info: http://www.healthwarrior.com/products/dark-chocolate-coconut-sea-salt/

The color of pressed baby shit, the flavor of dry dog food. Seriously, I ate dog food once as a kid. A lot of it. That memory came rushing back when I took a bite. Product info: http://www.greensplus.com/plusbar-protein-natural/