Dirty Hippie Snacks

I don't know what it means to be "double certified organic," but it sounds like at least single-dose bullshit. Never mind the size ("organic" produce--it's all still carbon based, so the term is dubious to begin with--is usually smaller than other produce) but these soft green seeds look nothing like what I expected or what they display on the package. It also doesn't have the crunch of roasted pumpkin seeds as I know them. The taste is alright, similar to dried peas or sunflower seeds I think, but the spicy flavoring is very unevenly applied. Each bite varies between very spicy and not at all. I was looking for a snack tonight and am eating a packet of Aldi brand trail mix instead. Product info: http://www.edenfoods.com/store/spicy-pumpkin-seeds-tamari-dry-roasted-organic.html

This "exotic healthy snack" tastes of soy sauce combined with rancid mustard. Can mustard go rancid? That's what I imagine Rancid Mustard Chex Mix would taste like. Alarming at first, and second, and never stops. Product info: http://www.zouq.com/product/curry-crunch-can/

This looks like a bar of epoxy that you'd use to patch leaky pipes. The color is so uniform and the texture so smooth, it's a little unnerving. It bears the marks of the machine that spits it out, which I don't mind. Reminds you from where it came. Terrible bite. It feels like chewing on a bar of epoxy putty, and probably uses a similar process to make. There's soft resistance, then it pulls away and becomes mush, then grainy. It's better if you crumble bits off by hand. The flavor is ok, albeit fairly singular. Lemon and cashew is not a combination I would've expected, but it works. Nutty and lemony, but not salty or tart. Update: Trying this a second time almost a year later and it also tastes like epoxy. Would not eat again. Deja Poop Score: 7/10. Product info: https://risebar.com/shop/protein-bars/lemon-cashew-protein-bars/