Dirty Hippie Snacks

I had one bite of this thing at 7:45 a.m. It's now 9:15 and I'm still picking goddamn chia seeds out of my teeth. It also tastes nothing like coconut. What a hateful snack. Deja Poop Score: 3/10. The color matches up with the first solid post-food-poisoning plop, but you'd have to have been munching nuts during recovery.

I don't know what a "health warrior" would do with a hard almond rectangle except attempt to bludgeon her enemies with it. Ingredients include an "Ancient Grain Blend (chia, oats, organic quinoa)" which is as good at tripping the Marketing Bullshit Meter as it is at getting stuck in your teeth. Maybe your teeth are better than mine. The flavor is inoffensive, but contains no joy. Keep gnawing on that misery brick, hippie health warrior. Deja poop score: 4 plops out of 5. Product info: http://www.healthwarrior.com/products/honey-almond/ Same story as above, except this one actually tastes alright. Dark chocolate and coconut makes a good combo. Would eat again. Deja poop score: 8 plops out of 10 (still looks like a turd). Product info: http://www.healthwarrior.com/products/dark-chocolate-coconut-sea-salt/