Dirty Hippie Snacks

These sticks hardly look like poop at all. But they are deliciously beefy and salty, somewhere between eating an uncooked hot dog and a stick of cured sausage. That's meant to be a compliment. Sorry.

Turn up the spice! The Hot Pepper flavor (with cranberries, wild rice and peppers, says the package) is actually plenty hot. The rice grains are maybe partially cooked, because they're slightly crunchy, chewable. It's unusual. Unlike Tanka's bigger, tastier meat bar  (that's not an euphemism), I couldn't actually identify the cranberry in this. Whatever they use as a skin on this thing is a bit more paper-like than any other I've had. It's got more snap to it than even Macho Man could muster, but brother , I'm yearning for more flavor than just this flat spiciness. It's compressed sawdust with pepper. Maybe I'm expecting too much of a meat stick. Deja Poop Score: 1/10, standard for meat sticks . Dig into this crap at: http://www.dirtyhippiesnacks.com/2016/04/tanka-warrior-buffalo-meat-bar.html

These come in several flavors and meat varieties, so I'll break it down: Honey mustard turkey Tastes like old turkey asshole so much that I can't tell if there's any honey or mustard involved. I tried two of these and they both sucked, so it's probably not an issue of batch. They weren't expired either. It's just naturally gross. Chipotle beef & pork  If you eat chili dogs for the high quality chili they scoop out of the can, this is your jam. I enjoyed it, but I also like dirty chili dogs. Thumbs up on the spicy aftertaste, which elevates this slightly above cheap chili dog flavor. Cracked pepper beef & pork Beefy, porky, delicious. Yes yes yes. Would eat again, all day long. Ancho pepper turkey Not bad. Tastes like a meat stick. Would eat again. The problem with turkey may be limited to the honey mustard flavor. BBQ beef The only stick that's just beef, and it is clearly superior to all the others. Beefy. Mild BBQ flavor, on t...

Meat is mmm mmm good. This buffalo beef stick is meaty, duh, and a little sweet and spicy. It's a good flavor combo. The black pepper is not just lip service, it leaves a tingle on your tongue. Big chunks of diced cranberry are scattered throughout the meat bar. Delicious, probably exorbitantly priced. I've tried several of this brand's options and I like them all.  Meat snack advantage: no dirty hippie flavors to cover up. Not a hint of flax in this thing. Deja poop score: 9 out of 10. Still looks like an extruded turd--but so do most meat products like this, even if they're not of the dirty hippie variety. Pieces of cranberry only contribute to the visual. There's another variety with sunflower seeds or something in it. You're better off trying not to think about it. Just cram that beef in your mouth and don't ask questions. Product info: http://www.tankabar.com/cgi-bin/nanf/public/product-onnitbar-intro.cvw

There is nothing wrong with dirty hippie jerky. It's made from real meat! I'm glad tofu jerky isn't a thing. But if it exists, and especially if it looks like poop, I will try it. These are my sacrifices to you, dear reader. Product info: http://sweetmeatjerky.com/collections/all