Vermont Smoke and Cure meat sticks

It's Russian Roulette if you pick one with your eyes closed.

These come in several flavors and meat varieties, so I'll break it down:

Honey mustard turkey

Tastes like old turkey asshole so much that I can't tell if there's any honey or mustard involved. I tried two of these and they both sucked, so it's probably not an issue of batch. They weren't expired either. It's just naturally gross.

Chipotle beef & pork 

If you eat chili dogs for the high quality chili they scoop out of the can, this is your jam. I enjoyed it, but I also like dirty chili dogs. Thumbs up on the spicy aftertaste, which elevates this slightly above cheap chili dog flavor.

Cracked pepper beef & pork

Beefy, porky, delicious. Yes yes yes. Would eat again, all day long.

Ancho pepper turkey

Not bad. Tastes like a meat stick. Would eat again. The problem with turkey may be limited to the honey mustard flavor.

BBQ beef

The only stick that's just beef, and it is clearly superior to all the others. Beefy. Mild BBQ flavor, on the sweet side. No spice (which would disappoint Macho Man), but still delicious.

Caveat: except for the turkey sticks, these are all better tasting and more satisfying than a Slim Jim. Sorry, Randy.

Deja Poop Score: 1/10. Slim to none, unless you have a perfectly smooth Play-Doh Factory circular butthole.

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