Dirty Hippie Snacks

It's at least a little weird to eat a chocolate-nut bar that's actually spicy. The spice doesn't come in right away, so it gives a sense of security—like it's just a plain ol' chocolate-nut bar held together by caramel, and the chili claim is just marketing noise. Sweet, crunchy, sticks to your teeth. But a good 10 seconds into chewing a bite, the spice suddenly says hello. It's potent! The fact that the sweet and spicy flavors come and go at different times make this bar a really satisfying experience. I want another one. Deja Poop Score: 4/10. Extremely nutty. Chomp on the choco-nut at: http://www.kindsnacks.com/store/types/kind-bars/dark-chocolate-chili-almond.html

Bacon jerky. I know, right? How did this not enter my face before? Before the hipsters got a hold of it and fused it with hipster ketchup , anyway. This bacon jerky isn't tough and chewy like you expect from a beef jerky, or crispy like you might expect from bacon. It's soft, kinda like really wide noodles, but with more chew than pasta al dente. The flavor coating is candy-like in its crystalline sweetness, but the sriracha spice kicks you quickly afterward. The pieces clump together into one big piece. It's not hard to separate, but again, it's not like beef jerky. It's good. It's tasty. But I think I'd prefer a flavor that lets the pork stand out on its own. The sriracha spice is strong. Deja Poop Score: 6/10. The pig of fire actually smells exactly the same coming out. Stink up the office toilet at: https://chefscutrealjerky.com/product/real-bacon-jerky-sriracha

This is a gross snack, but not in a way I can quite pinpoint. It's not that the spicy flavor is bad or that the texture is wrong. What's wrong with it is that it kind of tastes like it was fried in rancid oil. Maybe their industrial fryers need more frequent cleaning. Regardless the problem, it's not limited to this flavor. I previously tried their Curry Crunch and had that same uncertain-but-unsettling flavor. It might be musty, it might be sick-sweet, but it's definitely not spicy and not potato. The container does call it an "exotic healthy snack." I don't know if "vaguely like sauna ass" qualifies as exotic, but I guess it's probably healthy. Except no, there's almost nothing redeeming on the nutrition facts label. Lots of fat, lots of salt, not a whole lot of anything else. If you like shoestring potatoes, you'll hate these. Deja Poop Score: 0/10. Crunch on this junk at: http://www.zouq.com/fiery-sticks/

Turn up the spice! The Hot Pepper flavor (with cranberries, wild rice and peppers, says the package) is actually plenty hot. The rice grains are maybe partially cooked, because they're slightly crunchy, chewable. It's unusual. Unlike Tanka's bigger, tastier meat bar  (that's not an euphemism), I couldn't actually identify the cranberry in this. Whatever they use as a skin on this thing is a bit more paper-like than any other I've had. It's got more snap to it than even Macho Man could muster, but brother , I'm yearning for more flavor than just this flat spiciness. It's compressed sawdust with pepper. Maybe I'm expecting too much of a meat stick. Deja Poop Score: 1/10, standard for meat sticks . Dig into this crap at: http://www.dirtyhippiesnacks.com/2016/04/tanka-warrior-buffalo-meat-bar.html