I eat snacks from health food stores and compare them to poop.
Zouq Curry Crunch
This "exotic healthy snack" tastes of soy sauce combined with rancid mustard. Can mustard go rancid? That's what I imagine Rancid Mustard Chex Mix would taste like. Alarming at first, and second, and never stops.
My wife suggested heating this thing in the microwave for 20-25 seconds. I did. Once warm, it fell apart the moment I touched it. Naturally, this made it difficult to eat. Any time I tried to pick up a piece that appeared to be a unified hunk of brownie, I was grossly disappointed as it crumbled apart between my fingers. It held together a little better after it cooled, but the damage was done. It was moist in a disconcerting way. This brownie is very rich, and the marbled caramel section is tasty. Shame that it has that grainy texture typical of gluten-free cakes. Gluten holds shit together. Keep your gluten, people. If you're gonna sacrifice your desserts to the health food gods, go all the way. Eat some fucking kale. It's a goddamned dessert. It's not supposed to be good for you, and this thing, even without gluten, is no exception. Deja Poop Score 9/10. It's called a "brownie" for a reason. Hopefully yours aren't rectangular. What can br
You know what's really unexpected? Flavorful salmon and rice orzo prepackaged in a microwavable plate. It's like getting dry gouda in a can of pressurized cheese . My expectations dropped further when I saw the thing make its own hot-air casket. A dead fish was performing sedentary bikram yoga. But it came out flaky and delicious. It had great texture, the orzo had good bite — it wasn't cooked to mush — and there was nothing weird about it at all. It didn't even fill up the office break room with that much-maligned fishy smell. I got compliments. It needed salt 1 , but I'd definitely get another. It's pretty scrumptious. Deja poop score: 0/10. Not poopy at all. Fish on via Eat Fresco Foods, at http://eatfrescofoods.com/products/balsamic-glazed-grilled-salmon/ 1 I am a fiend for salt. Food is just a vehicle for sodium chloride.
These gummies aren't a typical Dirty Hippie Snack because they make no claims about being healthy or any such thing. It's just a stoner snack. It contains red 40, corn syrup, and pretty much everything else typical Dirty Hippies hate. My wife's store won't carry marijuana-related edibles to begin with (these are indeed legal), but even if they did, the total lack of health-anything in it means you'll never see it in her store. But not all stoners are hippies, and stoners will consume anything that even looks like a pot leaf. I looked up CBD (which this thing is "100% infused" with, though it's not clear what the 100% refers to). That's cannabidiol, which Wikipedia says no psychoactive effects. Seeing that, I figured when the package said it "may cause drowsiness" and "do not exceed 1-2 per hour," (apparently they don't know what "do not exceed" means) it was just hype and bullshit meant to sell expensive ca