I eat snacks from health food stores and compare them to poop.
Zouq Curry Crunch
This "exotic healthy snack" tastes of soy sauce combined with rancid mustard. Can mustard go rancid? That's what I imagine Rancid Mustard Chex Mix would taste like. Alarming at first, and second, and never stops.
Calling this a flapjack is weird. I'm also confused by the name: POWER CAKES UNLEASHED. I've never seen a cake in bondage. But then, I'm not sure I've ever seen a POWER CAKE in the wild either. Maybe they're just so badass they must be kept in captivity.
Which leads me to wonder: Where is the POWER CAKE zoo?
Anyway. Flapjack. Pancake. It's neither of these things, but the name is misleading enough that I ate it with a fork instead of a spoon. It's more like thick pancake batter. You add hot water to the powder and stir to get something with the texture of pureed oatmeal. (Because I did it wrong. Update at bottom.)
Is this what Cream of Wheat is like? Never had the stuff.
If you don't mind the smooth texture (I don't), this actually tastes great. It's got hints of sweet from the "maple flakes" (which I assume are dehydrated maple syrup) and brown sugar, so that portion of its marketing is legit. It's a decent breakfast.
These gummies aren't a typical Dirty Hippie Snack because they make no claims about being healthy or any such thing. It's just a stoner snack. It contains red 40, corn syrup, and pretty much everything else typical Dirty Hippies hate. My wife's store won't carry marijuana-related edibles to begin with (these are indeed legal), but even if they did, the total lack of health-anything in it means you'll never see it in her store.
But not all stoners are hippies, and stoners will consume anything that even looks like a pot leaf. I looked up CBD (which this thing is "100% infused" with, though it's not clear what the 100% refers to). That's cannabidiol, which Wikipedia says no psychoactive effects.
Seeing that, I figured when the package said it "may cause drowsiness" and "do not exceed 1-2 per hour," (apparently they don't know what "do not exceed" means) it was just hype and bullshit meant to sell expensive candy t…
I don't know what the hell silken tofu is. I know it makes for a tart chocolate pudding when blended with chocolate chips and agave.
It also looks like a pile of dogshit diarrhea. I've picked up piles of this out of my neighbors lawns. Or, more accurately, I've used a Dollar Tree plastic bag as a glove and failed to lift most of this retched-smelling brown liquid up from between blades of too-long Saint Augustine grass.
My wife made this. It is delicious. She actually used espresso chocolate chips, so I'm probably a little wired right now. And you know what caffeine does to your bowels.
She also tells me that mousse and pudding are different. Whatever.
You can search the Internet for a recipe or you can improvise your own mix.
Deja Poop Score: 10 out of 10. I'm back, shit lovers.