I eat snacks from health food stores and compare them to poop.
Zouq Curry Crunch
This "exotic healthy snack" tastes of soy sauce combined with rancid mustard. Can mustard go rancid? That's what I imagine Rancid Mustard Chex Mix would taste like. Alarming at first, and second, and never stops.
These gummies aren't a typical Dirty Hippie Snack because they make no claims about being healthy or any such thing. It's just a stoner snack. It contains red 40, corn syrup, and pretty much everything else typical Dirty Hippies hate. My wife's store won't carry marijuana-related edibles to begin with (these are indeed legal), but even if they did, the total lack of health-anything in it means you'll never see it in her store.
But not all stoners are hippies, and stoners will consume anything that even looks like a pot leaf. I looked up CBD (which this thing is "100% infused" with, though it's not clear what the 100% refers to). That's cannabidiol, which Wikipedia says no psychoactive effects.
Seeing that, I figured when the package said it "may cause drowsiness" and "do not exceed 1-2 per hour," (apparently they don't know what "do not exceed" means) it was just hype and bullshit meant to sell expensive candy t…
Calling this a flapjack is weird. I'm also confused by the name: POWER CAKES UNLEASHED. I've never seen a cake in bondage. But then, I'm not sure I've ever seen a POWER CAKE in the wild either. Maybe they're just so badass they must be kept in captivity.
Which leads me to wonder: Where is the POWER CAKE zoo?
Anyway. Flapjack. Pancake. It's neither of these things, but the name is misleading enough that I ate it with a fork instead of a spoon. It's more like thick pancake batter. You add hot water to the powder and stir to get something with the texture of pureed oatmeal. (Because I did it wrong. Update at bottom.)
Is this what Cream of Wheat is like? Never had the stuff.
If you don't mind the smooth texture (I don't), this actually tastes great. It's got hints of sweet from the "maple flakes" (which I assume are dehydrated maple syrup) and brown sugar, so that portion of its marketing is legit. It's a decent breakfast.
Why do companies keep trying to improve on chocolate? Chocolate is delicious. It doesn't need improving. Chocolate leather, on the other hand, is a sticky, miserable mess that's more like a taffy or Airheads candy and doesn't really resemble fruit leather at all.
It sticks to its own wrapper, so it's hard to unwrap. It's like the turd itself is warning you: Do Not Eat. Place Directly In Toilet.
My wife likens the mouth feel to eating chips while chewing gum. Bits get stuck in the gum and it becomes a grainy, unpleasant wad. She held up a leather strap by the end and it drooped "like a limp dick."
Deja Poop Score: Am I allowed to give it an 11? Sorry, no. It's 2016 and I haven't he…