You know what's really unexpected? Flavorful salmon and rice orzo prepackaged in a microwavable plate. It's like getting dry gouda in a can of pressurized cheese . My expectations dropped further when I saw the thing make its own hot-air casket. A dead fish was performing sedentary bikram yoga. But it came out flaky and delicious. It had great texture, the orzo had good bite — it wasn't cooked to mush — and there was nothing weird about it at all. It didn't even fill up the office break room with that much-maligned fishy smell. I got compliments. It needed salt 1 , but I'd definitely get another. It's pretty scrumptious. Deja poop score: 0/10. Not poopy at all. Fish on via Eat Fresco Foods, at http://eatfrescofoods.com/products/balsamic-glazed-grilled-salmon/ 1 I am a fiend for salt. Food is just a vehicle for sodium chloride.
One of my co-workers is Korean. To show gratitude for some projects I helped her with, she got me some Korean snacks. These are shrimp crackers, which are apparently a popular salty treat. I dug in. Upon opening the bag, a wave of fishy ocean scent hit my nose. I was afraid. I knew that smell. You might know it too. Its texture is remarkably similar to Cheetos, with a taste that's somehow reminiscent of plain Pringles (or, in marketing-speak, "Original Flavor"), even though they're wheat snacks, not potato. The ingredients list also features ground shrimp, which is news to me. I thought they lived in the water . But the actual flavor is really mild... right up until you burp. Then the fish-market smell burbles out of your gut like steam from a boiling chum bucket. Sorry, it's not really gross at all. I just couldn't resist the visual. At most it's a bit unusual, but if you're a fan of seafood it's probably an irrisistible snack. D
My wife suggested heating this thing in the microwave for 20-25 seconds. I did. Once warm, it fell apart the moment I touched it. Naturally, this made it difficult to eat. Any time I tried to pick up a piece that appeared to be a unified hunk of brownie, I was grossly disappointed as it crumbled apart between my fingers. It held together a little better after it cooled, but the damage was done. It was moist in a disconcerting way. This brownie is very rich, and the marbled caramel section is tasty. Shame that it has that grainy texture typical of gluten-free cakes. Gluten holds shit together. Keep your gluten, people. If you're gonna sacrifice your desserts to the health food gods, go all the way. Eat some fucking kale. It's a goddamned dessert. It's not supposed to be good for you, and this thing, even without gluten, is no exception. Deja Poop Score 9/10. It's called a "brownie" for a reason. Hopefully yours aren't rectangular. What can br