Vermont Smoke and Cure meat sticks
These come in several flavors and meat varieties, so I'll break it down:
Honey mustard turkeyTastes like old turkey asshole so much that I can't tell if there's any honey or mustard involved. I tried two of these and they both sucked, so it's probably not an issue of batch. They weren't expired either. It's just naturally gross.
Chipotle beef & porkIf you eat chili dogs for the high quality chili they scoop out of the can, this is your jam. I enjoyed it, but I also like dirty chili dogs. Thumbs up on the spicy aftertaste, which elevates this slightly above cheap chili dog flavor.
Cracked pepper beef & porkBeefy, porky, delicious. Yes yes yes. Would eat again, all day long.
Ancho pepper turkeyNot bad. Tastes like a meat stick. Would eat again. The problem with turkey may be limited to the honey mustard flavor.
BBQ beefThe only stick that's just beef, and it is clearly superior to all the others. Beefy. Mild BBQ flavor, on the sweet side. No spice (which would disappoint Macho Man), but still delicious.
Caveat: except for the turkey sticks, these are all better tasting and more satisfying than a Slim Jim. Sorry, Randy.
Deja Poop Score: 1/10. Slim to none, unless you have a perfectly smooth Play-Doh Factory circular butthole.